As the months since my separation trail behind me, I can perceive the person the teenage girl I was had hoped I would be. The lessons taught repeatedly through my marriage demands that my next goals are confident and financially secure. I get an email from a friend who tries really hard to get out of that "friend zone" every few weeks. I didn't know it was a thing until I discovered it was his thing. He was asking questions to pin me into something he could work with. He wanted my abandonment to shape me into a pathetic heap he could scrape up into his bed. He knew and cared so little about me that he believed flirtation and compliments would raise his value. I realized he thought his chances were based on the pain left from my marriage. He suggested his love of "thick girls" would be a compliment to me. I didn't realize I was thick, or that I would want to be. I'm me. I'm gorgeous. I went through a week of cyber stalking all of the significant ex boyfriends that left me in shards of brokenness that we spent our marriage healing. Without contacting them, I compared each one to my husband. Without hesitation, the only one that got away was my husband, and the only one worth pursuing is myself.
Playing footsies with my black pumps that tangled themselves in the power cords below my desk is the only action I've gotten lately and it is dangerous enough to keep me interested.