Blog by Yessica Maher, los Angeles Native.

She explores life after marriage, starting a career in her late 30's, relationships, breaking cycles of abuse, online dating, self care, fertility and depression. 

It's all over the place, but so is living. 

A Really Bad Start to Online Dating

I've been looking for a date online for the third day in a row, and it has yet to impress me.  When you are online, people can hide behind a keyboard, but it also makes them bold and there isn't always beauty in boldness.  I understand the need to not feel alone, but does it have to feel so dirty? There's a certain age range I want to stay within. I couldn't date someone if I'm old enough to be their teenaged mother, and if he's old enough to have fathered me it is just as disgusting to me.  I want to meet someone that will get my pop culture references.  I want to meet someone that is smarter than I am, but not from many more years on the earth.  The benefits of being able to sit in pajamas and meet and greet people from home mean that I went from one or two random meetings a week in person to over 300 views in the last two days alone.  The numbers and bad behavior have me jaded and disgusted already.

A large bit of disgust is about the random men that say hello, you're sexy, and start telling me about the ways they want to satisfy themselves while looking at my picture.  They lead with questions that are more about how I can satisfy them and have nothing to do with what kind of person I might be.  How people think that is okay, is beyond anything I can understand.  Last night I asked a man to tell me what he loves about the work he does.  It went from laying pipe, to making love and I had only been talking to him for a few minutes.  It always escalates quickly.  I don't have that level of disrespect happen in person.  It's not flattering to be used as a fantasy.  It's gross.

I'm not a fan of the 20 something year olds or the men in their 50's or 80's that want to imagine something romantic with me.  It feels creepy.  It feels dirty.  It is amazing that so many men that are older than me, see my age as too old for them.  I found myself dreading the notifications that announced new emails and winks or that someone liked my picture. In the few days I finally decided I might be ready to date, I've had a few men make me wonder if my skin really isn't thick enough for this.

On the plus side, I'm really getting to see what I like and it's not just about who will talk to me or what kind of chance I may have.  I've always had a thing for a certain look, but I'm really into blonde hair and blue eyes.  I like redheads with green eyes and I love freckles. I'm into upper body strength, but I have my limits because there really is such a thing as too much when muscles have muscles.  And I'm weird about facial hair.  It works on some men but definitely not on everyone.

I might be better off finding a wakeboard I love, and teaching myself something new.  I'm not giving up yet. I'm stubborn sometimes.  If you happen to be looking for a connection online and the opportunity comes to force someone to go for a ride along in your x-rated fantasy, just don't.  Don't prey on the loneliness of others. Be a better human being.



Dating in Bold Audacity

Self Confidence and Online Dating