Blog by Yessica Maher, los Angeles Native.

She explores life after marriage, starting a career in her late 30's, relationships, breaking cycles of abuse, online dating, self care, fertility and depression. 

It's all over the place, but so is living. 

Stop Hitting Yourself and Self Care for Yourself

Have you ever made someone hit themselves, then taunted," stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself?" You might be a bully and should look into getting help. I was in a conversation that was starting to look like a coaching session and I'm really not comfortable being a life coach in the capacity of our acquaintance.

I started telling this person that their life is a choice.  I explained the beauty in living like I love myself and treating myself like I would treat a 3 year old that I love. Through it all I was given reasons and explanations of why this situation was the only reasonable existence.

We all do it.  We make excuses and give logical reasons why we have to continue to do what we always have.  I'll give examples, and most of these are the dialogues I gave myself.

"I can't quit my job and find a better one because I can't afford to."

Don't quit, but continue looking for a better place if you aren't happy.

"I have too many obligations on my plate to take on something new."

Are you doing what others expect of you, or are you making intentional choices to make yourself happy.  Start practicing the art of "no," see who disappears from your life and the ways you start finding that happy.

"When X happens, I will go on a diet."

I never did solve for X.  I'm a firm believer that the first 3 letters of the word "diet" are very telling.  I won't do it.  So much changed for me when I started to act like I love myself.

"I wish I could (fill in the blank) but I have to (fill in this blank) first."

I want to live an epic life but I'm going to let my parents, children, boss and the expectations of other people decide what my life looks like.

"My (kids/parents/partner) needs me to . . . "

Well, they don't need you to be a doormat or martyr.  You can't save the world if you're dead to it.  They don't need you to die to their cause.  They need your example of how to conquer their quests.

These are excuses and they're cop outs!

If you make excuses to not live your life and you blame unhappiness on a person or situation . . .  If this is how you play at the life you get to live, you should look in the mirror and start saying, "stop hitting yourself." Better yet, ask why you are hitting yourself.  Ask why no one has to hold you in the position you've assumed because you're so held by beliefs you've been handed.  Every moment of your life is yours.  The way you spend your time is a choice.  Are you making that choice, or are you handing the reins to someone else and wondering why they put themselves ahead of you.

You're a person, not a slave or a game piece.  Handle your life because you won't be happy with what has been handed to you. Stop bullying yourself in beliefs and go get your life.

Hold Up a Minute or Why You Should Slow Down and Step Into Self Care

Being Wrong is So Right