I saw it again. I imagined myself bumping around a kitchen with a man. We were chopping produce and washing hands together. Unlike last time, I imagined the man I keep having small talk conversations with. I felt the flush that I had when a friend pointed out I was blushing on Saturday. Wow. Just wow. And a healthy dose of an epic YES! It was just a moment and a momentary fantasy that isn't even committed to one person. The big deal is that there is a fantasy that involves something more serious than a single date. It's more serious than the crushes I commit to. It's about no longer being content with being a loner and opening up to the idea of sharing my free time with someone else. That is a huge deal.
Right now my boys are banging and crashing and playing and being happy in their shenanigans. I still can't see myself inviting anyone into our brand of crazy, but the moment came and the fantasy was real for a moment or two, and I imagined an actual person. Take that, anti-social tendencies.
I say this, but I've made solo plans for tomorrow night. Old habits die hard.
But there was a conversation . . .
What I said was, “I’m a lightweight.”
He said, “oh, a cheap date.”
I said that just last week when sipping a margarita and surrounded by friends.
What I thought was, “I don’t drink on the first date.”
What I should have said was, “are you asking me out?”
Instead I said, “yeah” and walked away, lighting up the room with a smile.