Blog by Yessica Maher, los Angeles Native.

She explores life after marriage, starting a career in her late 30's, relationships, breaking cycles of abuse, online dating, self care, fertility and depression. 

It's all over the place, but so is living. 

Taking a Step

13879193_881382145329054_1252517709784054092_n My walk has been a topic of conversation today.  I don't do it on purpose.  Not anymore. That strut that I step out in has become part of me.  I don't even think about it.  I found a video of a pink elephant that was walking like I do and had to share it on Facebook to laugh, because that is how I walk.  And I'm great at laughing at myself.

This morning at the grocery store, when picking up sugar snap peas (my go to snack - raw and undipped) the checker asked if I'm a model. She saw something in the way I walk.  It's with purpose (food and time are great motivators).  I look up and ahead.  I don't worry about where my feet fall, and smile at others because I'm usually playing a great song in my ears.  I don't worry about whether or not I can walk in heels.  I do, and I don't think about it because I trust my body.  I learned months ago that my muscles make up for my insecurity and that's when my calves hurt.  If I step out in confidence, it happens and others stare.  Or look away.  It's a toss up and I don't care anymore.

At work today, one of the women I sit with asked if I know I walk like a model.  I took it as a compliment and had a question to ask elsewhere.  I came back to giggling looks and knew she was asking someone else for an opinion on the way I walk and I laughed it off.

I was a t.v. extra.  It's a rite of passage in my city.  I acted on stage in high school.  I'm a bit of a ham.  I've never once modeled.  I'm not a model, nor do I care to be.

I don't walk like a model.

I walk like a mom.

I walk like I know great heartache can help me appreciate greater love.

I walk like I love silliness and frivolity because laughter is healing.

I walk like I'm inspired by sunshine and warm breezes with birdsong and honeysuckle on the wind.

I walk like smiles are free and hugs are healing.

I walk like it's an honor to be an inspiration to friends and strangers.

I walk in confidence because I know I will be okay.

I walk fearlessly because it feels better to be fiercely brave.

I walk like there's no turning back and the past isn't where I live anymore.

I walk like I'm stepping in gratitude.

I walk like there is beauty in everything I look at.

I walk as if I'm made of magic and stardust and there is something beyond belief holding me up and keeping me going.

I walk in the knowledge that I'm not different from any other person and anyone can walk like I do.

The Coffee Mug

Righting a Wrong